A Skeptic's Epiphany

"Have you done the research?  I mean, really DONE the research?"  My ego was challenged.  But it was done in such a diplomatic way that I had to admit, "No, I have not REALLY done the research and weighed the facts."  Honestly, I always thought faith in some higher power was some blind belief in something to help give ignorant people something to grab on to when the you-know-what hit the fan.  Religious people were goofy, silly people with this attachment to the world's only "socially acceptable imaginary friend".  I even thought that about my own family to an extent - that they were doing it because they thought they had to - that they had been brainwashed into believing the hype or felt pressure to say they believed it in order to "fit in".  Surely they were smarter than that. 

But my cousin - someone I always admired, who was quite intelligent and very down to Earth, who had an ere of quiet confidence about him when it came to life - had challenged my intellect.  He challenged me as a reasonable man to do the research.  He did not TELL me to do the research, nor did he force anything on me for that matter.  He simply explained how he had done so, how he was before doing so, and how his life had changed since then.  In retrospect, it was his "testimony".  He then asked me to look into it to be sure, and to make my own conclusions.

And he didn't just make suggestions.  He asked if he could send me a few books to read.  Both were written by a man named Lee Stoebel - a man just like I was, who thought religion was pure silliness.  He was the Legal Editor for the Chicago Tribune with a law degree.  He'd decided, once and for all, to treat it like a legal case, and debunk this Faith and Christ and some Intelligent Designer nonsense.  In the process, however, quite the opposite happened.  As he studied the FACTS (not opinions, but pure facts), the case was made by a landslide for Faith, Jesus and God.  Intriguing.

Lee Stroebel's "The Case for Faith"

Still highly skeptical, but not to be called an unreasonable man, I ventured to read "The Case for Faith" then "The Case for Christ".  And it had to be in that order.  If I didn't have Faith in a God ... the Christ thing was a real stretch.

Lee did not mince words.  He began each chapter with some pretty compelling arguments against Faith and Christianity.  In fact, I was really liking this first book.  It seemed to be justifying my Athiestic stance (why did my cousin send me this book?), stating in very clear terms the very reasons I was so skeptical and unsure why anyone would believe such nonsense given these solid facts.  But then the table turned, discussing a rebuttal to each and every argument I had ever thought.  Apparently some people had been doing some research and had dug deeeeep into this subject matter.  Absolutely amazing, in retrospect, how these "truths", based on fact, had been squashed by society over time, adding uncertainty to my viewpoint by only stating partial-truths and/or conspiracy theories. 

Woof.  Point after point I thought I had for not believing were crumbling away.  By the end of the two books, I couldn't believe I DIDN'T believe in God and Jesus.  The facts were that compelling.  Like a murder case where the accused was video-taped doing it, had his DNA all over the murder weapon ... oh, and said, "Yeah, I did it."  THAT compelling. 

I felt silly.  Actually, I'll use the phrase "arrogantly ignorant" - that's how I'd been for all these years.  Like the know-it-all in 5th grader who states, "In 1822, Columbus sailed the ocean blue" with an I-know-more-than-you smirk on his face. 

I accepted God into my life and acknowledged Jesus as His Son and my Savior.  I wouldn't have been a reasonable man at that point had I not.

Side note:  The statement above used to give me the willies anytime I heard someone say it.  Now it gives me that warm feeling like seeing your Gram after a long absence, only greater.

Now for a reality check ... Has life been perfect since?  Not even close.  I still have the same hardships, the same worries, the same doubts.  But now I have something that allows me to make sense of it all.  That gives me purpose.  That acts as a gauge for my decisions and actions.  It is - in a word - freeing.

As I read through the Bible, really for the first time as someone who desires the knowledge contained therein, I can't believe I've done without the truth, the good news, the joy it brings me. 

Funny thing is, some who read this will do what I did before.  They will roll their eyes, say "Greg's lost it", and carry on.  But if they are reasonable people, they will accept the challenge ...

Have YOU done the research.  Really?

Whether you believe or not, God loves you, as should all Christians.  If you believe something different, God still loves you, as should all Christians.  We're all in this together.  Some have done the research and are now on a path with purpose and feel whole.  Others will get there eventually and others never will - but it's not my place - nor any one's place - to judge or to condemn.  It's up to one person - you.

I say this without getting the willies in any way, shape or form ... God bless you.

100 Ways to Be a Better Dad

As a father of 3, I'm always striving to be better.  A better husband, a better friend, a better neighbor.  Mostly, though, I'm blessed with opportunity to start some positive dominos falling by raising my two sons and my daughter to be better.  But as the great poet Michael Jackson once said, "If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change."  Yeah - I just quoted Michael Jackson.  

Being a Better Dad is what this blog is all about.  And it's more than just a blog.  It's connected to GeorgetownDads, an organization we started to help one another, as fellow dads, to be better, to teach one another, and to hold one another accountable.  There are periodic events lead by GeorgetownDads  right here in Georgetown.  Would love to see you at the next one.  

The below list was written by Derek Makham back in 2009.  I like it, so I'm posting it here.

100 Ways to be a Better Father

1. Be present with your children.
2. Heap lavish amounts of praise on your kids.
3. Focus on the positive when speaking to your children.
4. Say I love you. A lot.
5. Don’t be afraid to show your emotions to your family.
6. Work on improving your relationship with your wife or partner.
7. Take time out from work for family time.
8. Laugh at yourself. All the time.
9. Listen to your kids with all of your attention.
10. Learn new things by teaching your children about them.
11. Start a personal journal.
12. Hold your kids accountable for their actions and words, but don’t use punishment to teach..
13. Leave your watch and daytimer on your desk sometimes.
14. Make a meal for your family.
15. Do something wacky and unpredictable in front of your kids.
16. Spend some time one-on-one with your child.
17. Get moving. Have a fitness plan in place and get your kids to join in.
18. Take more walks, and leave the car at home.
19. Fall in love with your wife. Again.
20. Admit you’re wrong when you are.
21. Forgive your dad for any grudges you hold against him.
22. Teach a new dad what you’ve learned so far.
23. Take time for yourself, so you can bring that sense of fulfillment with you to the family.
24. Remember what you hated to hear from your parents as a kid and vow to be different.
25. Read out loud to your children.
26. Leave your work issues at your job. Don’t dump on your kids because your day was bad.
27. Drop your change in a jar each day. When full, open a savings account for your child.
28. Once in a while, ask your kids what you can do better. Then do it better.
29. Hugs and kisses are golden. Be generous.
30. Let your kids make their own choices.
31. Get out in nature with the family.
32. Count to 10 before you react to your children’s actions.
33. Remember that kids mirror our actions, so watch what you say to or around them.
34. Parenting is a shared responsibility. Jump in and do something mom normally does.
35. Learn from your elders – ask them what they’ve learned as fathers.
36. When a child does something not so nice, separate their actions from them in your mind. A child is never bad, even though their actions may be.
37. The next time you feel like giving up on something, do it anyway and use it as a teaching moment.
38. Remember that everyone is somebody’s child.
39. Listen to yourself. Do you sound like your dad? Is that a good thing?
40. Give yourself a break. I haven’t met a father yet who doesn’t make mistakes.
41. Unplug the TV and pretend it’s broken once in a while. Or hide it.
42. Go with your child to school once in a while. Meet the teacher and ask how you can help.
43. Make your health and fitness a priority so you’ll be around for your kids for a long time.
44. Teach the value of service to others by volunteering in your neighborhood, church, or school.
45. Write love notes and leave them for your kids to find.
46. Read a book about fatherhood.
47. Write a book about fatherhood.
48. Make some snacks for the kids as a surprise.
49. Speak as one with your wife, so your kids don’t play you off on one another.
50. Do you say yes all the time? Use no when you mean it, even if they don’t like it.
51. Do you say no all the time? Say yes once in a while.
52. Snuggle with your kids.
53. Show your wife respect always. Make sure your kids do also.
54. Take the time to really explain things to your children. Don’t just say “because I said so.”
55. Ask for help if you need it. Don’t suffer from excess pride.
56. Accept who you are, but don’t settle. Strive to improve yourself every day.
57. Smile at your children and your partner.
58. Make amends when you’re wrong or grumpy or harsh with your kids.
59. Periodically assess your life and change course if needed. Don’t be unhappy just because you think you can’t change.
60. Take a class or learn a new skill with your kids.
61. Act as if you’re the best dad ever.
62. Imagine you’ve only got one week left to live. How would you treat your kids? What’s stopping you from doing that right now?
63. Let your kids see you cry.
64. Explore every park in your town.
65. Once in a while, take a day off just because, and spend it with your family.
66. Find out about your family history and start sharing it with your kids.
67. Give high fives for each tiny accomplishment they make.
68. Get out of debt as quick as you can, and teach your kids about the value of being debt-free.
69. Take a big leap when you see an opportunity, and show your children about trust, faith, and the virtue of following your dreams.
70. Get down on their level and try to see things as they do. Chances are, you’ve forgotten what it’s like.
71. Learn some really corny kid jokes and use them often.
72. Hold a family meeting and get your kid’s input on important decisions.
73. Don’t just give your kids the answers to questions. Show them how to find the answers.
74. Remember, they’re never too old for piggyback rides.
75. Have patience with your children. Don’t expect them to be perfect.
76. Don’t insist on conformity. Let your kids follow their dreams, not yours.
77. Hold their hands, literally.
78. Remember to let your children save face. Embarrassing them in front of their friends is not cool.
79. Keep your relationship issues between you and your wife. Don’t let your kids take on all your crap.
80. When your children were babies, you gushed over them. Do the same thing for them now.
81. Don’t gossip around your kids.
82. Stand up for the weak, the oppressed, the underdog.
83. Grow a beard. (Actually, I just put that in to see if you were paying attention.)
84. Take your child to work with you and explain what you do for a living.
85. Make something by hand with them. Don’t worry about perfection, just enjoy the process.
86. Once in a while, give them a “get out of jail free” card.
87. Tell your children how much they mean to you.
88. Follow through on your promises to them.
89. Give your kids responsibilities.
90. Speak to your children as your equals. Give them the respect you ask for.
91. Plan surprises for them and keep them guessing.
92. When speaking to other adults, act as if your kids were listening.
93. Play games with your children. Let them win sometimes, but don’t make it obvious or easy.
94. Before you walk in the door from work, take some deep breaths and leave your work outside.
95. Give mom the day off once in a while, and get the kids to help you pamper her.
96. Be generous with your time, your energy, and your money. Give freely to those in need.
97. Cultivate your fatherhood Superpowers.
98. Don’t let other adults get away with unacceptable behavior around your kids.
99. Remember the Golden Rule. It does apply to your children as well.
100. Find your center and define what truly matters to you. Make that your inner retreat when life throws you a curve ball, and share that with your kids.