The Incredible Invaluable Dad

Yes, Mom is critical to the emotional, physical, and spiritual development of her children.  In short Moms ... stick around.  And stick with your children's father, even when it seems "hopeless".  You don't need to trust me on that - just check the latest research on the impact of divorce on the kids.  Not good.  Just remember - nothing is too big for God.

But we're not here to talk about Mom.  We're here to talk about Dad:  The parent many believe is only there to bring home the bacon, punish the kids, and make funny sounds.  While each of these is true (especially the last one - "hey, pull my finger"), there have been thousands of research studies on the subject and they all come to the same conclusions.  

Kids without a Dad have:

• 5 times the average suicide rate
• Increased rates of depression
• Increased incarceration rate
• Decreased education levels – increased drop-out rates
• Lower average income levels
• Lower job security
• Increased divorce rates
• Increased substance abuse rates
• And so on

Note:  Keep in mind, to varying degrees, this applies just as much to Dads who are hands-off, even if they are living in the same house or the same town.  

So it turns out that maybe Dads are important to development of a well-adjusted child.  Who knew?  

Okay, sarcasm aside, I'll get to my point.

Both Dad and Mom are critical to the proper development of a human psyche.  The combination of the two is the key.  When one is absent from the picture, expect issues.  In essence, Moms provide x, y and z factors a child needs as he/she develops.  And Dads provide a, b and c factors a child needs as he/she develops.  Mom can not effectively provide a, b and c, and Dad can not effectively provide x, y and z.  

God created the family - Dad+Mom+kids.  The whole thing is designed this way on purpose.  Men need women.  Women need men.  Kids need both a Mom and a Dad.  Period. 

Not just a Mom.
Not just a Dad.

If you're thinking about divorce ... don't.  No matter how bad it seems, it's nothing compared to the impact it will have on your children.

If you are a single Mom, try your best to find a father-figure for your kids, although nothing beats their biological Dad (if he isn't a deadbeat who ran out).  

I'll hold back my comments on the gay "marriage", and the two mom or two dad scenario.  Look for a post on that subject in the future.  I digress.

All of my thoughts are based on real and exhaustive research, God's plan as conveyed through his Word, my love for kids, and simple logic.  Kids need the best start in this life - it's challenging enough without starting them off behind the eight-ball.  

ASIDE:  My apologies if I've hurt anyone's feelings - that wasn't my intent.  

Final statement:  "Dad, you are critical.  Don't just be there ... BE there.  Teach them, love them, communicate with them, participate in their activities, drop your selfish activities and focus on them.  God gave those little munchkins to you.  They are a gift and a responsibility.  Take them seriously and be thankful."

God bless the family unit and God bless the next generation.  May they grow up with a first-hand understanding of fatherly and Fatherly love.  

Feminization

Brendan Fraser in the movie "Bedazzled"

I've heard more and more statements in the recent past about the importance of Dad in the lives and rearing of their kids.  This may not be news to you, but the impression I've got in my lifespan (since 1971) was that "manliness" and the Biblical view of the Husband/Father role was primitive thinking - passé.  So, why would you want that around impressionable children?  Shouldn't we all become more feminine?  Nurturing?  

Thanks National Organization for Women.  You've done more to hurt society in the past 30 years than you have helped women.  Not saying NOW didn't affect some positive change, but the feminist regime swung the pendulum WAY too far the other way.  By forcing some subjective truisms that they wanted to be true for some odd reason - namely, that men and women were exactly the same - you made a bunch of men feel ashamed to be men.  It got to a point where - like with the gay agenda - it became a crime to even think of questioning this new age and ridiculous thinking.  Terms like "bigot" and "hate" and "chauvinist" came at anyone who tried to bring up any valid and reasonable arguments that contradicted this new viewpoint.  Quite impressive to see a group gain and wield that much power, however quite destructive to society and - ironically - to women.

Oy - don't be that guy.  Suck it up.

Here's the deal - God created men to be men and women to be women.  Because one does not understand the other, does not mean the other is doing it wrong or is flawed.  We are both needed, and are meant to be the way we are ... as designed.  They were created to be equal but different, with different roles.  

• Women:  You are like aliens to us.  Frequently, you come across as crazy, overly-sensitive, naggy, and disrespectful to us, even though that is not your intent.
• Men:  Keep in mind that we seem alien to them.  Frequently, we come across as insensitive, overly aggressive jerks to women, even though that is not our intent. 

I wanted to bring this to the surface to set the stage for my next blog about "The Importance of Dad".  To be the best Dad and the best Husband possible, we must first be men ... Godly men, as defined by the Bible (the one and only book of truly objective Truth).   

A few book recommendations to wrap this up:

• The Art of Manliness by Brett McKay (see, the word "Manliness" made you chuckle.  That's the impact NOW has had on us) - The author also has an awesome website:  www.artofmanliness.com/
• ManUp! by Dennis Daniel
• The Man Code by Dennis Swanberg

Check them out and let's regroup in a bit to discuss just how important you are, Dad.

Living the American Christian Life

Woof - this is going to be a tough one.  Mostly because the finger is pointed at me as much as anyone.  But I'd like to jump in head first ...

Question #1:  What does God ask us to do with our blessings?  Blessings He's given us?  More specifically, how are we to spend our money and our time?

As it says in Proverbs, "Give me enough to live on, neither too much nor too little.  If I'm too full, I might get independent, saying, 'God? Who needs him?'  If I'm poor, I might steal and dishonor the name of my God." (Proverbs 30:8-9, The Message paraphrase)

This is going to sting, but here goes:  So, what is to be said for American Christians?  Driving around a $70,000 Mercedes with an Ichthus symbol decal on the bumper?

Question #2:  Is disparity like this pleasing to God?

We say we believe in God and that Jesus is our Lord and Savior.  We say that the Bible is true - and it is - but remember that the Bible has truth in it such as, "Those who hear and don't act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like." (James 1:23-24, The Message paraphrase).  We believe that we are given blessings in order to be the hands and feet of God in this world ... to help the least of these.  Then we spend it on ourselves in opulent ways.

I can hear it now:  "I give to my Church!  I give money to WorldVision!  I am sponsoring 2 kids in Uganda through Compassion International!  I worked in the Soup Kitchen last year.  I think that's enough!  Don't judge me!  God wants me to enjoy some of these blessings!"  Okay, Mr. Offended, here are a few thoughts:

1. I'm not judging you.  I don't even know you're reading this.  I'm talking to me here.  Judgement isn't my job ... I'm not qualified.
2. God DOES want us to have joy, and enjoy our time in his creation.
3. No one is asking you to give everything away.  Although God may and - if He does - I think you need to strongly consider it.  Just saying.
4. With great blessings comes great responsibilities.  I think that's from Spiderman.
5. Final Jeopardy Question ...  Are you (am I) giving until it hurts at least a little?  Are you (am I) sacrificing in any real way?  Be honest with yourself.  Or is it more like the Pharisees in the Temple giving some of their "extras" - which looks like a lot - versus the old woman given her last two shekels?

Which is God in our lives?

We live in a bubble.  And living in this microcosm of Georgetown where even the poor aren't really that poor compared to the truly poverty stricken of the world, I am no where near poor.  In fact, I'm comfortable.  I do NOT believe that is why God created me.  I am not here to be comfortable, stand still, never risk anything and trust that He will provide, then die.  I know this because the Bible tells me so (that and Jesus loves me, this I know ...).

So, what to do now that I've slammed it on the table for consideration?  I wrote this and you've read it.  Now we're in a corner.  No plausible deniability.  What do we do?  

I think we both know.  Time for some hard decisions.  Time to start living the Christian life, not just saying the right words and "believing without acting".

Baby steps.  The bigger the better, though.

Here I go.

Footnote:  Check out the following books for more on this call to action.
>> "Not a Fan" by Kyle Idleman
>> "Radical" by David Platt
>> "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan
Be ready to be shaken up.

Coexist?

You've seen the bumper sticker.  The word "coexist" written - cleverly - in the symbols of worldviews and/or belief systems.  The intent, as I understand it, is one of "live and let live" and "can't we all just get along?"  And who can argue with that?  I mean, imagine all the people, living life in peace (John Lennon).

If the intent is to say, "Let's love one another without fighting ... without war", I believe Jesus would be 100% on board.  So would I and so would any and every true Christian everywhere.

But there is another message I think the bumper sticker maker and the bumper sticker owners intend:  Leave everyone alone and let them go on believing whatever they believe ... I mean, who are you to press your beliefs on others?  What gives you the right ... right?  Let Hindus be Hindus, let Buddhists be Buddhists, let Muslims be Muslims, let Athiests be Athiests, and so on.

ASIDE:  Interestingly, though, this bumper sticker is usually donned on cars inhabited by folks that don't necessarily subscribe to any of these world views.

Okay - let's get this out fo the way:  To press or push your beliefs upon another is no ones' right.  However, sharing knowledge that you have in a loving and respectful way with someone else that likely does not know said news, is not pressing or pushing.  It's sharing with loving intent, not with ill intent.

Here is why a Christian can not - in good conscience - hold back from sharing his or her knowledge of the Truth:  One word - love.  Notice I did not use the term "faith" because that is one of those words - like "good" - of which most people have a very flawed definition.  They see that word and immediately think, "A silly trust in something or someone, despite logic and the facts."  That's not faith.  That's BLIND faith.  I will swap out "knowledge of the Truth" in the above sentence for "faith" if you promise to read it the way I mean it ... trust in something or someone in whom I have full and reasonable knowledge.

So why MUST a Christian share this knowledge and not just "Coexist" as the bumper sticker posits?  Simple - it's unloving NOT to share this Truth ... not unlike letting someone play with a clear liquid that looks harmless but is actually a highly dangerous chemical, or a seemingly empty beeker that is filled with a deadly pathogen, or an animal that looks cute and cuddly, but will actually kill if provoked.  Sitting there and watching them fall victim because they simply aren't in the know is cruel.  And while the examples I've just used are serious, they pale in comparison with the threat of eternity without God.

So - coexist?  You bet.  But it needs to be a loving, sharing coexistence.  It can not be a "let live", hands off approach to life and relationships.  That is irresponsible.  But the approach to the delivery of the knowledge is key.  It can not be blunt or harsh or condescending.  It must come in a loving, caring form ... over time and with loving intentions.

Steps:
1. Introduce yourself and get to know them.  Invest in them.
2. Make sure they understand you truly care about them (and be sure that is true).  Serve them and love them.
3. Share what you know and how you know it.  Not just "sound bites", but facts and history to back it up.  No need to "convince", just get them thinking - God will do the rest.
4. Invite them to learn more of what you know is reasonable objective truth.

This is not a 1, 2 or 3 conversation endeavor, but a long-term thing.  Can you handle one step in this process while others handle the other steps?  Yep.  But be patient, be kind and be loving.

Avoidance of Church Lady talk early on might be good, too ;)

Much love and - despite how much I dislike those bumper stickers for what they really mean - let's coexist.  God calls us to love Him with all our heart, all our soul and all our mind, and to love our neighbors as ourselves.  Put more simply:  Love God, Love People.  No caveats.

Can I get an Amen?  

Surrendering Words

"Cool",
"Bad",
"Gay",
"Awesome",
"Bomb",
"Fresh",
"Benjamin",
"Marriage",
"Christmas" ...

... and the list goes on.  What's next?  What words will we give up to the unrelenting foes of objective truth?  Part of me says, "So what?  It's just words."  But a greater part of me wants to fight it.  Even if you don't believe in what the Bible says, it contains some truth that can't be refuted.  Here's one:  Evil does not come bounding in quickly.  It comes slowly, little by little, with hardly noticeable moves.  Small compromises that - when combined over time - result in major changes, rarely for the good.

You've heard of the boiling frog experiment:  Put a frog in a pot of water and slowly, degree by degree, heat up the water.  By the time the frog even notices, he's been boiled to death.  And the interesting thing is, those opposed to what I'm writing here would immediately jump to, "Greg, you're totally overreacting."  But am I?

Have you ever heard the Paul Harvey segment called, "If I were the Devil"?  It's from 1965 - 48 years ago.  Take a listen and tell me his predictions are not what has happened.  And they will continue to happen in our society until things we think of as absolutely absurd and unlikely today become "normal" in 20 years. 
>> Listen to "If I Were the Devil"

Here's the thing ... "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." (Edmund Burke)

As we wrap up 2013, I see the two latest trends:

1. "Christmas isn't about Christ.  How dare you make it about that.  That's intolerant of those who don't believe Jesus Christ is the Son of God."  Well, they aren't talking about a nativity, or "Go tell it on the Mountain", or the Gospel of Luke account of the coming of the King.  They are talking about Santa and evergreen trees and presents and consumerism.  They're talking about what the term "Christmas" has slowly become in little bits over time.
2. "Marriage is not defined as the commitment of one man and one woman, before God, to serve one another in sickness and in health, in good times and bad."  Two sub-trends to this:
1. Marriage is being redefined as two "people" committing themselves to one another, and not before God necessarily.
2. The marriage commitment is optional.  Even though those words were said in front of likely hundreds of people, perhaps in a church ... if things get tough, if he/she has "changed", if they just "fell out of love", then a divorce is perfectly fine.  Because marriage is about "feeling love" right?  And if there is no feeling, no marriage.  Sounds logical.  Unless that's not what marriage was created by God to accomplish in us.  For reference, read "The Reason for Marriage" and "Love & Respect" for the actual Truth.

Travel back in time and ask the average citizen what they thought the chances were that these two trends would come to pass in 40-50 years.  They'd call you crazy.  They'd say, "You're totally over-reacting."

So, what are we to do about it?  Are we so afraid of being pegged "intolerant" that we skip the part where we hold on to Truth?  Just writing this blog on this topic is chancy these days.  That's how bad it's gotten.  I mean, I'm probably a bigot for even bringing such things to the surface, right?

What we need to do is stick up for the Truth ... for what's right.  I don't mean we should go around bashing people for their sins.  Heck, I've got a nice sized plank in my eye as I write this.  But the plank is there, and we've all got one.  We can't ignore it.  God put us all together to help one another be better.  Shying away from the Truth does the opposite.  It may seem more "loving" at the time, but it's exactly the opposite.  It's equivalent to not telling the neighbor kid to stay out of the busy intersection because you don't want to make him feel bad for expressing himself in a nice "car dodging" session.  Insanity.

But insanity is becoming the norm.  When you remove absolute, objective truth from the public realm (which we did in 1963), eventually people will latch onto anything, no matter how ridiculous.

I could go on and on, but with Christmas in our midst, and with time to ponder, I can't help but think what God must be thinking, looking down on his defiant and arrogantly ignorant children.  I think He's seeing what He's seen throughout history ... for thousands of years.  His kids running away, thinking they know better ... and good people doing nothing about it.  "They'll be back", He says oh so patiently.  But if I were the Father, how many times would I watch this happen?  Let's just say, thank God I am not the Father.  Thank God - literally - for grace.

For those who understand where I'm coming from here, let's stand up.  For those who have no idea what I'm saying and think everything's fine, I'm praying for you.  For those angry with my words, good.  At least you're thinking about it.  Keep thinking, deeper and deeper and bring this whole thing to its logical conclusion. 

This can't end well, unless we wake up and change.  But fortunately, there is a nice instruction book to help us on our way.  It's chuck full of incredible guidance if you'd just read it and study it.  If you've not picked up a copy, it's called The Bible.  Author - God (through a bunch of chosen vessels over a few thousand years on multiple continents).

God bless.  Merry Christmas.  And Happy New Year.  I love you all.
 

True Meaning Of Christmas

I was listening to the radio one morning a few years back after dropping the kids off at school, and a caller was explaining how - back in Christmas 1985 - she'd received a totally tubular sweater she assumed was from The Limited.  Yeah, The Limited.  The kingdom of coolness for girl-kind back in the day.  She envisioned wearing it to school after the break and it would render her flat, winged-back product-less hair, her glasses and her braces invisibile as her friends would look on in awe.  Boys she'd pined over all year would all of a sudden notice her. "Where did SHE come from - wow!"  Stars would align and all would be well.  That evening, she recalled eavesdropping on her parents - feeling devilish and sneaky listening to their conversation that mentioned her name.  The sweater - no doubt - was the reason for her sudden talent for "stealth".  Her Father mentioned how pleased she seemed with the sweater, to which her Mom replied, "I know, and I got it for $13 at K-Mart."  Her world deflated in an instant.  She was now wearing the King's new clothes, reassigned back to Dorkville.  She was crushed.  She brooded.  She didn't talk to her Mom for days and wouldn't tell her what was wrong.  A memory that stuck with her.

Now that she's grown and has kids of her own, she looks back on Christmas of 1985 and that is all she can recall.  The sweater.  Her "rep" at school.  Herself and herself alone.  

• Not the joy of giving.  
• Not the time with family.
• Not the celebration of something truly miraculous - God's entry into human kind through the birth of a baby named Jesua.    

"What a brat I was," she reflected.  "I was so self-absorbed and distracted with materialistic, worldly things."  Christmas is so incredibly significant and we've slowly made it about something else entirely over the years.  We've made it about money, receiving gifts, shopping, brand names and what gifts they got that I didn't.

But let's be honest - that caller is nowhere near alone.  We've all been guilty of that.  Many of us still are when Christmas comes around.  We think about what we're going to get.  We listen to our kids' pleas for Blah Blah toy and Yada Yada video game, and we think, "Sure - that's what Christmas is about, right?"  Wrong.  In fact, perpetuating that message, especially to our impressionable children is dead wrong.  

I don't want to be a buzz kill to those who love to give and to see faces light up.  That is good - that is right.  The "giving" is what it's all about.  But it's giving, as a reflection of what God gave to us - his only begotten Son.  Giving, as a reflection of what Jesus gave - all.  

It's NOT about giving "things".  It's about the act of giving, and in doing so remembering that God sent His son to reestablish a connection with us.  To reset our relationship with Him.  What a gift.  Hard to get my head around that kind of altruistic kindness and grace.

So, here are some ideas to consider this Christmas:

1. Take time to sit down with your family and discuss the true meaning of Christmas and what that means for us.  
2. Consider taking one of the MANY gifts you've gotten for your child or nephew or whoever, returning it and giving to those who need it more ... in their name.  I know that would mean so much more to me if someone did that on my behalf.
3. Have your kids consider doing the same, but have it be their choice.  Explain, "Christmas is about giving.  What do you think of the idea of taking one of the gifts you just received, cashing it in and giving that money to a charitable cause?"

If everyone did that, just think of the impact it would have on Christmas for an impoverished or otherwise needy child, for those suffering with illnesses we'd rather not think about, for those who don't have a coat this Christmas, let alone a gift?  Wow.  

My family will be trying this and hope to make it a Dean family Christmas tradition.  What kind of memories might that create for us and for our children.  I'm imagining we won't look back and call ourselves self-centered brats, but rather look back at the celebration of the greatest gift we could ever receive - a relationship with God through his Son, and the outlook that it gives us on this world we live in.  

Merry CHRISTmas to all, and to all a good night!

When I grow up, I want to be the man my dog thinks I am

"Wow.  You are awesome." -- Dog

Let's be honest.  My dog thinks I'm a far better person than I actually am.  I'm not saying I'm a bad person necessarily, just that he thinks I'm on an entirely different level.  

When I'm eating something I shouldn't, he doesn't judge ... he just looks at me with a, "you going to give me some of that?" look on his face.

When I'm being a jerk (not as often as you might think, and you can't trust my wife on that one -she's obviously crazy), my dog still thinks I'm awesome.

When I walk out of the room, then back in, he goes nuts!  Tail wagging, happy to see me.  I'm just that exciting, apparently.

Let's be honest, he's dead wrong, but he seems to see something in me that even I have a hard time seeing sometimes.  He sees what I could be, I think.  He thinks I can do no wrong - that I'm the most giving, most selfless, most awesomest dude ever.  Yeah - ever. 

So, my goal - from this point forward - is to be the person my dog thinks I am.  All I have to do is make it so everyone with whom I cross paths leaves wagging his or her tail (metaphorically speaking, of course).  To be clear, I don't mean I plan to appease everyone I cross paths with, but to ensure I do right by everyone with whom I come in contact.  Whether it's my family, my friends or complete strangers, it's my duty to make them "aware" of the world I believe we could be living in.  Whether they decide to follow suit is up to them, but I firmly believe that most aren't even aware that anything is all that wrong with our world.  And many more believe it's hopeless to think that we can make a difference through relatively small acts.  

• How about by loving no matter what - even your enemies?  
• How about by helping everyone you have the ability to help, even if it causes you some discomfort?  
• How about consorting with people you'd never be "caught dead with" for once?  Trust me - they're people, too.  

So, my point is not to make people feel okay about the life they may be living, but not to judge either.  Rather my point is, as someone who knows how to be the person worthy of my dog's admiration, it's my job to actually be that person, live through example, and make everyone I know aware of what I and many others know ... that this world is not about me.  It's not about making myself comfortable.  It's about taking the blessings I've been so graciously given and turning them into gold - fanning the flames and turning the small spark of my existence into an inferno of goodness, making a difference and inciting others to do the same with THEIR sparks.  

We're in this together as a world-family.  Your brother and sister aren't just the people with whom you share Christmas and Thanksgiving, but the total stranger who's been out of work for 12 months and is discouraged, and the girl who thinks demoralizing herself is the only way, and the starving child in Nicaragua who has no access to water that's even close to clean.  Our lives are not for comfort - that should not be our pursuit.  But, unfortunately, it has been my pursuit for a long time, believing that I truly deserve something more than others, even though I'm already blessed beyond imagination.  That stops now.

Let's do this together.  We can do it.  We know what Charley thinks (aside from "Do I smell sausage?") - that we ARE those selfless people.  That we ARE beyond reproach.  Let's prove Charley right.  

Who's with me?!