Surrendering Words

"Cool",
"Bad",
"Gay",
"Awesome",
"Bomb",
"Fresh",
"Benjamin",
"Marriage",
"Christmas" ...

... and the list goes on.  What's next?  What words will we give up to the unrelenting foes of objective truth?  Part of me says, "So what?  It's just words."  But a greater part of me wants to fight it.  Even if you don't believe in what the Bible says, it contains some truth that can't be refuted.  Here's one:  Evil does not come bounding in quickly.  It comes slowly, little by little, with hardly noticeable moves.  Small compromises that - when combined over time - result in major changes, rarely for the good.

You've heard of the boiling frog experiment:  Put a frog in a pot of water and slowly, degree by degree, heat up the water.  By the time the frog even notices, he's been boiled to death.  And the interesting thing is, those opposed to what I'm writing here would immediately jump to, "Greg, you're totally overreacting."  But am I?

Have you ever heard the Paul Harvey segment called, "If I were the Devil"?  It's from 1965 - 48 years ago.  Take a listen and tell me his predictions are not what has happened.  And they will continue to happen in our society until things we think of as absolutely absurd and unlikely today become "normal" in 20 years. 
>> Listen to "If I Were the Devil"

Here's the thing ... "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." (Edmund Burke)

As we wrap up 2013, I see the two latest trends:

1. "Christmas isn't about Christ.  How dare you make it about that.  That's intolerant of those who don't believe Jesus Christ is the Son of God."  Well, they aren't talking about a nativity, or "Go tell it on the Mountain", or the Gospel of Luke account of the coming of the King.  They are talking about Santa and evergreen trees and presents and consumerism.  They're talking about what the term "Christmas" has slowly become in little bits over time.
2. "Marriage is not defined as the commitment of one man and one woman, before God, to serve one another in sickness and in health, in good times and bad."  Two sub-trends to this:
1. Marriage is being redefined as two "people" committing themselves to one another, and not before God necessarily.
2. The marriage commitment is optional.  Even though those words were said in front of likely hundreds of people, perhaps in a church ... if things get tough, if he/she has "changed", if they just "fell out of love", then a divorce is perfectly fine.  Because marriage is about "feeling love" right?  And if there is no feeling, no marriage.  Sounds logical.  Unless that's not what marriage was created by God to accomplish in us.  For reference, read "The Reason for Marriage" and "Love & Respect" for the actual Truth.

Travel back in time and ask the average citizen what they thought the chances were that these two trends would come to pass in 40-50 years.  They'd call you crazy.  They'd say, "You're totally over-reacting."

So, what are we to do about it?  Are we so afraid of being pegged "intolerant" that we skip the part where we hold on to Truth?  Just writing this blog on this topic is chancy these days.  That's how bad it's gotten.  I mean, I'm probably a bigot for even bringing such things to the surface, right?

What we need to do is stick up for the Truth ... for what's right.  I don't mean we should go around bashing people for their sins.  Heck, I've got a nice sized plank in my eye as I write this.  But the plank is there, and we've all got one.  We can't ignore it.  God put us all together to help one another be better.  Shying away from the Truth does the opposite.  It may seem more "loving" at the time, but it's exactly the opposite.  It's equivalent to not telling the neighbor kid to stay out of the busy intersection because you don't want to make him feel bad for expressing himself in a nice "car dodging" session.  Insanity.

But insanity is becoming the norm.  When you remove absolute, objective truth from the public realm (which we did in 1963), eventually people will latch onto anything, no matter how ridiculous.

I could go on and on, but with Christmas in our midst, and with time to ponder, I can't help but think what God must be thinking, looking down on his defiant and arrogantly ignorant children.  I think He's seeing what He's seen throughout history ... for thousands of years.  His kids running away, thinking they know better ... and good people doing nothing about it.  "They'll be back", He says oh so patiently.  But if I were the Father, how many times would I watch this happen?  Let's just say, thank God I am not the Father.  Thank God - literally - for grace.

For those who understand where I'm coming from here, let's stand up.  For those who have no idea what I'm saying and think everything's fine, I'm praying for you.  For those angry with my words, good.  At least you're thinking about it.  Keep thinking, deeper and deeper and bring this whole thing to its logical conclusion. 

This can't end well, unless we wake up and change.  But fortunately, there is a nice instruction book to help us on our way.  It's chuck full of incredible guidance if you'd just read it and study it.  If you've not picked up a copy, it's called The Bible.  Author - God (through a bunch of chosen vessels over a few thousand years on multiple continents).

God bless.  Merry Christmas.  And Happy New Year.  I love you all.
 

True Meaning Of Christmas

I was listening to the radio one morning a few years back after dropping the kids off at school, and a caller was explaining how - back in Christmas 1985 - she'd received a totally tubular sweater she assumed was from The Limited.  Yeah, The Limited.  The kingdom of coolness for girl-kind back in the day.  She envisioned wearing it to school after the break and it would render her flat, winged-back product-less hair, her glasses and her braces invisibile as her friends would look on in awe.  Boys she'd pined over all year would all of a sudden notice her. "Where did SHE come from - wow!"  Stars would align and all would be well.  That evening, she recalled eavesdropping on her parents - feeling devilish and sneaky listening to their conversation that mentioned her name.  The sweater - no doubt - was the reason for her sudden talent for "stealth".  Her Father mentioned how pleased she seemed with the sweater, to which her Mom replied, "I know, and I got it for $13 at K-Mart."  Her world deflated in an instant.  She was now wearing the King's new clothes, reassigned back to Dorkville.  She was crushed.  She brooded.  She didn't talk to her Mom for days and wouldn't tell her what was wrong.  A memory that stuck with her.

Now that she's grown and has kids of her own, she looks back on Christmas of 1985 and that is all she can recall.  The sweater.  Her "rep" at school.  Herself and herself alone.  

• Not the joy of giving.  
• Not the time with family.
• Not the celebration of something truly miraculous - God's entry into human kind through the birth of a baby named Jesua.    

"What a brat I was," she reflected.  "I was so self-absorbed and distracted with materialistic, worldly things."  Christmas is so incredibly significant and we've slowly made it about something else entirely over the years.  We've made it about money, receiving gifts, shopping, brand names and what gifts they got that I didn't.

But let's be honest - that caller is nowhere near alone.  We've all been guilty of that.  Many of us still are when Christmas comes around.  We think about what we're going to get.  We listen to our kids' pleas for Blah Blah toy and Yada Yada video game, and we think, "Sure - that's what Christmas is about, right?"  Wrong.  In fact, perpetuating that message, especially to our impressionable children is dead wrong.  

I don't want to be a buzz kill to those who love to give and to see faces light up.  That is good - that is right.  The "giving" is what it's all about.  But it's giving, as a reflection of what God gave to us - his only begotten Son.  Giving, as a reflection of what Jesus gave - all.  

It's NOT about giving "things".  It's about the act of giving, and in doing so remembering that God sent His son to reestablish a connection with us.  To reset our relationship with Him.  What a gift.  Hard to get my head around that kind of altruistic kindness and grace.

So, here are some ideas to consider this Christmas:

1. Take time to sit down with your family and discuss the true meaning of Christmas and what that means for us.  
2. Consider taking one of the MANY gifts you've gotten for your child or nephew or whoever, returning it and giving to those who need it more ... in their name.  I know that would mean so much more to me if someone did that on my behalf.
3. Have your kids consider doing the same, but have it be their choice.  Explain, "Christmas is about giving.  What do you think of the idea of taking one of the gifts you just received, cashing it in and giving that money to a charitable cause?"

If everyone did that, just think of the impact it would have on Christmas for an impoverished or otherwise needy child, for those suffering with illnesses we'd rather not think about, for those who don't have a coat this Christmas, let alone a gift?  Wow.  

My family will be trying this and hope to make it a Dean family Christmas tradition.  What kind of memories might that create for us and for our children.  I'm imagining we won't look back and call ourselves self-centered brats, but rather look back at the celebration of the greatest gift we could ever receive - a relationship with God through his Son, and the outlook that it gives us on this world we live in.  

Merry CHRISTmas to all, and to all a good night!

When I grow up, I want to be the man my dog thinks I am

"Wow.  You are awesome." -- Dog

Let's be honest.  My dog thinks I'm a far better person than I actually am.  I'm not saying I'm a bad person necessarily, just that he thinks I'm on an entirely different level.  

When I'm eating something I shouldn't, he doesn't judge ... he just looks at me with a, "you going to give me some of that?" look on his face.

When I'm being a jerk (not as often as you might think, and you can't trust my wife on that one -she's obviously crazy), my dog still thinks I'm awesome.

When I walk out of the room, then back in, he goes nuts!  Tail wagging, happy to see me.  I'm just that exciting, apparently.

Let's be honest, he's dead wrong, but he seems to see something in me that even I have a hard time seeing sometimes.  He sees what I could be, I think.  He thinks I can do no wrong - that I'm the most giving, most selfless, most awesomest dude ever.  Yeah - ever. 

So, my goal - from this point forward - is to be the person my dog thinks I am.  All I have to do is make it so everyone with whom I cross paths leaves wagging his or her tail (metaphorically speaking, of course).  To be clear, I don't mean I plan to appease everyone I cross paths with, but to ensure I do right by everyone with whom I come in contact.  Whether it's my family, my friends or complete strangers, it's my duty to make them "aware" of the world I believe we could be living in.  Whether they decide to follow suit is up to them, but I firmly believe that most aren't even aware that anything is all that wrong with our world.  And many more believe it's hopeless to think that we can make a difference through relatively small acts.  

• How about by loving no matter what - even your enemies?  
• How about by helping everyone you have the ability to help, even if it causes you some discomfort?  
• How about consorting with people you'd never be "caught dead with" for once?  Trust me - they're people, too.  

So, my point is not to make people feel okay about the life they may be living, but not to judge either.  Rather my point is, as someone who knows how to be the person worthy of my dog's admiration, it's my job to actually be that person, live through example, and make everyone I know aware of what I and many others know ... that this world is not about me.  It's not about making myself comfortable.  It's about taking the blessings I've been so graciously given and turning them into gold - fanning the flames and turning the small spark of my existence into an inferno of goodness, making a difference and inciting others to do the same with THEIR sparks.  

We're in this together as a world-family.  Your brother and sister aren't just the people with whom you share Christmas and Thanksgiving, but the total stranger who's been out of work for 12 months and is discouraged, and the girl who thinks demoralizing herself is the only way, and the starving child in Nicaragua who has no access to water that's even close to clean.  Our lives are not for comfort - that should not be our pursuit.  But, unfortunately, it has been my pursuit for a long time, believing that I truly deserve something more than others, even though I'm already blessed beyond imagination.  That stops now.

Let's do this together.  We can do it.  We know what Charley thinks (aside from "Do I smell sausage?") - that we ARE those selfless people.  That we ARE beyond reproach.  Let's prove Charley right.  

Who's with me?!

A Skeptic's Epiphany

"Have you done the research?  I mean, really DONE the research?"  My ego was challenged.  But it was done in such a diplomatic way that I had to admit, "No, I have not REALLY done the research and weighed the facts."  Honestly, I always thought faith in some higher power was some blind belief in something to help give ignorant people something to grab on to when the you-know-what hit the fan.  Religious people were goofy, silly people with this attachment to the world's only "socially acceptable imaginary friend".  I even thought that about my own family to an extent - that they were doing it because they thought they had to - that they had been brainwashed into believing the hype or felt pressure to say they believed it in order to "fit in".  Surely they were smarter than that. 

But my cousin - someone I always admired, who was quite intelligent and very down to Earth, who had an ere of quiet confidence about him when it came to life - had challenged my intellect.  He challenged me as a reasonable man to do the research.  He did not TELL me to do the research, nor did he force anything on me for that matter.  He simply explained how he had done so, how he was before doing so, and how his life had changed since then.  In retrospect, it was his "testimony".  He then asked me to look into it to be sure, and to make my own conclusions.

And he didn't just make suggestions.  He asked if he could send me a few books to read.  Both were written by a man named Lee Stoebel - a man just like I was, who thought religion was pure silliness.  He was the Legal Editor for the Chicago Tribune with a law degree.  He'd decided, once and for all, to treat it like a legal case, and debunk this Faith and Christ and some Intelligent Designer nonsense.  In the process, however, quite the opposite happened.  As he studied the FACTS (not opinions, but pure facts), the case was made by a landslide for Faith, Jesus and God.  Intriguing.

Lee Stroebel's "The Case for Faith"

Still highly skeptical, but not to be called an unreasonable man, I ventured to read "The Case for Faith" then "The Case for Christ".  And it had to be in that order.  If I didn't have Faith in a God ... the Christ thing was a real stretch.

Lee did not mince words.  He began each chapter with some pretty compelling arguments against Faith and Christianity.  In fact, I was really liking this first book.  It seemed to be justifying my Athiestic stance (why did my cousin send me this book?), stating in very clear terms the very reasons I was so skeptical and unsure why anyone would believe such nonsense given these solid facts.  But then the table turned, discussing a rebuttal to each and every argument I had ever thought.  Apparently some people had been doing some research and had dug deeeeep into this subject matter.  Absolutely amazing, in retrospect, how these "truths", based on fact, had been squashed by society over time, adding uncertainty to my viewpoint by only stating partial-truths and/or conspiracy theories. 

Woof.  Point after point I thought I had for not believing were crumbling away.  By the end of the two books, I couldn't believe I DIDN'T believe in God and Jesus.  The facts were that compelling.  Like a murder case where the accused was video-taped doing it, had his DNA all over the murder weapon ... oh, and said, "Yeah, I did it."  THAT compelling. 

I felt silly.  Actually, I'll use the phrase "arrogantly ignorant" - that's how I'd been for all these years.  Like the know-it-all in 5th grader who states, "In 1822, Columbus sailed the ocean blue" with an I-know-more-than-you smirk on his face. 

I accepted God into my life and acknowledged Jesus as His Son and my Savior.  I wouldn't have been a reasonable man at that point had I not.

Side note:  The statement above used to give me the willies anytime I heard someone say it.  Now it gives me that warm feeling like seeing your Gram after a long absence, only greater.

Now for a reality check ... Has life been perfect since?  Not even close.  I still have the same hardships, the same worries, the same doubts.  But now I have something that allows me to make sense of it all.  That gives me purpose.  That acts as a gauge for my decisions and actions.  It is - in a word - freeing.

As I read through the Bible, really for the first time as someone who desires the knowledge contained therein, I can't believe I've done without the truth, the good news, the joy it brings me. 

Funny thing is, some who read this will do what I did before.  They will roll their eyes, say "Greg's lost it", and carry on.  But if they are reasonable people, they will accept the challenge ...

Have YOU done the research.  Really?

Whether you believe or not, God loves you, as should all Christians.  If you believe something different, God still loves you, as should all Christians.  We're all in this together.  Some have done the research and are now on a path with purpose and feel whole.  Others will get there eventually and others never will - but it's not my place - nor any one's place - to judge or to condemn.  It's up to one person - you.

I say this without getting the willies in any way, shape or form ... God bless you.

100 Ways to Be a Better Dad

As a father of 3, I'm always striving to be better.  A better husband, a better friend, a better neighbor.  Mostly, though, I'm blessed with opportunity to start some positive dominos falling by raising my two sons and my daughter to be better.  But as the great poet Michael Jackson once said, "If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change."  Yeah - I just quoted Michael Jackson.  

Being a Better Dad is what this blog is all about.  And it's more than just a blog.  It's connected to GeorgetownDads, an organization we started to help one another, as fellow dads, to be better, to teach one another, and to hold one another accountable.  There are periodic events lead by GeorgetownDads  right here in Georgetown.  Would love to see you at the next one.  

The below list was written by Derek Makham back in 2009.  I like it, so I'm posting it here.

100 Ways to be a Better Father

1. Be present with your children.
2. Heap lavish amounts of praise on your kids.
3. Focus on the positive when speaking to your children.
4. Say I love you. A lot.
5. Don’t be afraid to show your emotions to your family.
6. Work on improving your relationship with your wife or partner.
7. Take time out from work for family time.
8. Laugh at yourself. All the time.
9. Listen to your kids with all of your attention.
10. Learn new things by teaching your children about them.
11. Start a personal journal.
12. Hold your kids accountable for their actions and words, but don’t use punishment to teach..
13. Leave your watch and daytimer on your desk sometimes.
14. Make a meal for your family.
15. Do something wacky and unpredictable in front of your kids.
16. Spend some time one-on-one with your child.
17. Get moving. Have a fitness plan in place and get your kids to join in.
18. Take more walks, and leave the car at home.
19. Fall in love with your wife. Again.
20. Admit you’re wrong when you are.
21. Forgive your dad for any grudges you hold against him.
22. Teach a new dad what you’ve learned so far.
23. Take time for yourself, so you can bring that sense of fulfillment with you to the family.
24. Remember what you hated to hear from your parents as a kid and vow to be different.
25. Read out loud to your children.
26. Leave your work issues at your job. Don’t dump on your kids because your day was bad.
27. Drop your change in a jar each day. When full, open a savings account for your child.
28. Once in a while, ask your kids what you can do better. Then do it better.
29. Hugs and kisses are golden. Be generous.
30. Let your kids make their own choices.
31. Get out in nature with the family.
32. Count to 10 before you react to your children’s actions.
33. Remember that kids mirror our actions, so watch what you say to or around them.
34. Parenting is a shared responsibility. Jump in and do something mom normally does.
35. Learn from your elders – ask them what they’ve learned as fathers.
36. When a child does something not so nice, separate their actions from them in your mind. A child is never bad, even though their actions may be.
37. The next time you feel like giving up on something, do it anyway and use it as a teaching moment.
38. Remember that everyone is somebody’s child.
39. Listen to yourself. Do you sound like your dad? Is that a good thing?
40. Give yourself a break. I haven’t met a father yet who doesn’t make mistakes.
41. Unplug the TV and pretend it’s broken once in a while. Or hide it.
42. Go with your child to school once in a while. Meet the teacher and ask how you can help.
43. Make your health and fitness a priority so you’ll be around for your kids for a long time.
44. Teach the value of service to others by volunteering in your neighborhood, church, or school.
45. Write love notes and leave them for your kids to find.
46. Read a book about fatherhood.
47. Write a book about fatherhood.
48. Make some snacks for the kids as a surprise.
49. Speak as one with your wife, so your kids don’t play you off on one another.
50. Do you say yes all the time? Use no when you mean it, even if they don’t like it.
51. Do you say no all the time? Say yes once in a while.
52. Snuggle with your kids.
53. Show your wife respect always. Make sure your kids do also.
54. Take the time to really explain things to your children. Don’t just say “because I said so.”
55. Ask for help if you need it. Don’t suffer from excess pride.
56. Accept who you are, but don’t settle. Strive to improve yourself every day.
57. Smile at your children and your partner.
58. Make amends when you’re wrong or grumpy or harsh with your kids.
59. Periodically assess your life and change course if needed. Don’t be unhappy just because you think you can’t change.
60. Take a class or learn a new skill with your kids.
61. Act as if you’re the best dad ever.
62. Imagine you’ve only got one week left to live. How would you treat your kids? What’s stopping you from doing that right now?
63. Let your kids see you cry.
64. Explore every park in your town.
65. Once in a while, take a day off just because, and spend it with your family.
66. Find out about your family history and start sharing it with your kids.
67. Give high fives for each tiny accomplishment they make.
68. Get out of debt as quick as you can, and teach your kids about the value of being debt-free.
69. Take a big leap when you see an opportunity, and show your children about trust, faith, and the virtue of following your dreams.
70. Get down on their level and try to see things as they do. Chances are, you’ve forgotten what it’s like.
71. Learn some really corny kid jokes and use them often.
72. Hold a family meeting and get your kid’s input on important decisions.
73. Don’t just give your kids the answers to questions. Show them how to find the answers.
74. Remember, they’re never too old for piggyback rides.
75. Have patience with your children. Don’t expect them to be perfect.
76. Don’t insist on conformity. Let your kids follow their dreams, not yours.
77. Hold their hands, literally.
78. Remember to let your children save face. Embarrassing them in front of their friends is not cool.
79. Keep your relationship issues between you and your wife. Don’t let your kids take on all your crap.
80. When your children were babies, you gushed over them. Do the same thing for them now.
81. Don’t gossip around your kids.
82. Stand up for the weak, the oppressed, the underdog.
83. Grow a beard. (Actually, I just put that in to see if you were paying attention.)
84. Take your child to work with you and explain what you do for a living.
85. Make something by hand with them. Don’t worry about perfection, just enjoy the process.
86. Once in a while, give them a “get out of jail free” card.
87. Tell your children how much they mean to you.
88. Follow through on your promises to them.
89. Give your kids responsibilities.
90. Speak to your children as your equals. Give them the respect you ask for.
91. Plan surprises for them and keep them guessing.
92. When speaking to other adults, act as if your kids were listening.
93. Play games with your children. Let them win sometimes, but don’t make it obvious or easy.
94. Before you walk in the door from work, take some deep breaths and leave your work outside.
95. Give mom the day off once in a while, and get the kids to help you pamper her.
96. Be generous with your time, your energy, and your money. Give freely to those in need.
97. Cultivate your fatherhood Superpowers.
98. Don’t let other adults get away with unacceptable behavior around your kids.
99. Remember the Golden Rule. It does apply to your children as well.
100. Find your center and define what truly matters to you. Make that your inner retreat when life throws you a curve ball, and share that with your kids.