Saturday, May 6, 2017

Numb & Overwhelmed: Racism, Abortion, Sex Trafficking ...

I'm feeling a little numb this morning as I journal my thoughts. There are so many things on my mind - weighing on me.

Am I leading my family well by serving them, directing them with God's wisdom? Am I leading by example and with humility and compassion?

What should I be doing about the downpour of evil happening all around us? Racism, sex trafficking, abortion ... hollywood and the media news shaping the culture's mind without them knowing it? Breaking through the psychological wall that has been built up in many people's minds, from liberals to conservatives, Christians to unbelievers - no one is immune, it seems.

As I learn more about the pure white, brilliant light that is God's way, the more hideous and disturbing and obvious the darkness becomes. The darkness hasn't changed, mind you. It has been there all along. But as truth beautifully infiltrates my mind, heart and soul, my obliviousness to its abnormality fades.

Things like the content of rated R movies that never seemed like a big deal to me before now are shocking. And it's quite clear the impact it has on the psyche, on our attitudes about things. And enough of it results in a numbing that thinks its "normal".

Things like the subtle tone, wording and innuendo of news reporting that leads us to an intended opinion on a given topic or event ... it's insidious.

Things like the "small" lies and sinful actions that leave us with the universal attitude of, "Come on. What's the big deal? You're taking this 'God's way thing too far."

Couple that with ... I'm not being as loving a husband and father as I could/should be. Anyone from the outside, comparing me with other husbands and fathers, would disagree. But I know better - and so does my friend, God, because He knows my heart. The fact is, I'm being lazy. I'm letting things coast along on idle more than I should. It's neglectful.


  • My wife needs intentional, unconditional love. My self-assessment? C+ at best.
  • My kids need my focused, proactive (rather than just reactive) time. Grade on that? C ... maybe even a D+. 


Lord help me be who I should be. I'm weak and lazy and selfish. I feel convicted, but something is holding me back, holding me down, keeping me numb and paralyzed. Is it sloth? Plain selfishness? The enemy sitting on my chest, keeping me stationary so I can't do what I and God know is right? Maybe it's all of the above. Bottom line, I can't do it alone. I can't do it at all. I need your power God ... your love, your eyes, your motivation. Crush me where I need to be crushed, and fill me with your Spirit.

I ask this in flawless name above all names.
Jesus Messiah.
Amen.


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