Dearly Departed

My Gram (Dad's Mom) is 96 ... Hospice is with her now and she is not expected to live for more than 3 days.  She stopped eating a week ago and hasn't drank anything in a few days.  It's a bitter sweet feeling.  She has lived a very full life and up until the last few years, she was still just as quick, funny and witty as she was when she was 60, 50, 40 (not that I knew her then).  She will be missed dearly, and I love her very much.  But it's time.  She hasn't been Gram for a few years now.  She doesn't remember most people or what happened 20 minutes ago, although she remembers 50 years ago as thought it's happening as we speak.  Strange how the mind works.  

We need to let her go.  We need to let God take her.  I know that she's ready.

I recall so many great things about Gram.  Spending time with her at the lake house (the apartment downstairs always creeped me out as a kid, though), her cooking, her fruit kolaches, her giving spirit, her steadfast faith in God ... so much for me to miss when she leaves this world.  

For these memories, I've been reticent to visit her over the past year or so only because I wanted to remember the Gram I knew.  Selfish I know, but I'm hoping that she would not have known who I was if I had visited.  That's how I comfort myself.  I'm probably right in my hope, but it does not remove the sharp feeling of guilt that lingers.  

During the short time I was writing this blog post, my Gram passed.  As a believer, I know that she is with God now and she is overwhelmed with joy and peace.  She's with Grampa Joe, too, which is of further comfort.  Thinking of them together again makes me smile.    

Like most, I don't think of death often ... certainly not losing family and friends.  And I think that's why it comes as a shock when it happens.  "They will always be there" is the seemingly harmless lie we tell ourselves.  And this leads us into a comfortable zone, which then leads us to perhaps take that connection and its importance in our lives for granted.  We neglect them.  Not intentionally.  We simply get distracted with the rest of our lives ... clutter that - once someone close passes - turns out to be so small and meaningless in comparison.  

Harsh reality:  Time is our most valuable asset.  You can not earn more.  You can not get it back once it's spent.   

But what can I do?  Give the gift of time to those you love.  Don't hesitate or put it off.  Do it now.  Stop reading and call him/her and schedule some time.  

Ask yourself, "What would happen if [fill in the blank] passed away tomorrow?"  Would you feel regret that you hadn't invested more in them?  I'm betting the answer is yes.  Don't let that happen.  

Yes, I'm talking to myself here.  But if you - the reader - also benefits from these thoughts, great.  But I for one need to be better about showing (not just saying) how much my family and friends mean to me.  Time to prioritize.

God bless you Gram.  Thanks for my memories of you, for your love, for investing time in me, and for the model you set for me growing up.  

I will miss you, and I love you very, very much.

Your Grandson,
Greg